I live in Hungary, in the suburbs of Budapest. I am 53 years old, have two sons from two fathers - both died (my elder son's father in a motorcyle accident back in 1998 leaving behind two other boys from his second marriage, my younger son's father - my husband - in 2018).
I experienced different kinds of losses in my life and was a witness to losses around me. I have seen to consequences of not talking about the lost ones and getting stuck in grief for a lifetime, losing faith because of the death of a loved one, and terminal illness after the loss of a child. I survived I suicide attempt at the age of 14 and an extra-uterine pregnancy not discovered for 46 hours - in a medical sense, I should not be here.
When I was a child I always wanted to be a doctor. I could not make it. Later I found out that I am more enthusiastic about healing than curing. So at the age of 47, I decided to give myself a chance and I started a 3-year course in antroposophical medicine with the aim of becoming a therapist. I could not make it again because my husband died and I had to focus on making money. A couple of months ago, I was kinda driven to Clare Josa's Author Mastermind course and decided to write a book about my journey. In July, I'll be starting a grief counselor course. Until I get the certificate, please consider everything on this site as a private blog sharing personal experiences.
For living on, I work as an IT translator and website developer.
I am a big fan of non-invasive therapies like homeopathy, Bach flower essences, anthroposofical medicine, herbs, Recall healing, Bert Hellinger's family constellations, yoga, meditation, and mindfullness.
I strongly believe that life is eternal, death is a counterpart of birth and part of life, it is a transformation similar to birth. No matter whether reincarnation exists or not (I believe it does), this life we live now in a physical body is unrepeatable and unique. I also believe that love does not end with someone's death, and grief is a form of love we feel for someone who is not physically available anymore.
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
— Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
I believe that every soul has the right to chose when to leave and it has nothing to do with what we have or haven't done. Respecting this decision and the fact that there are things we will maybe never understand makes life a whole lot easier. Our mind is always and endlessly searches for reasons and explanations - simetimes it can go wild but we can learn how to control it and make it a good servant instead of letting it be a tyrant.
I believe that love is the solution to any and every problem but sometimes we tend to forget about it.