Our society gives us very limited time for mourning after a loss however massive it may be. It is called the "mourning year" - it implies that you have one year to grieve. If you are not done with it in a time span of 6-12 months you can diagnose yourself as having the 'complicated grief disorder' who need to see a therapist. (I am not questioning the place of therapy at all, but not everyone can do that.) On the other hand, this is a kind of reinforcement of the expectation by society and people around grievers that they should be ok after that one year.
When someone dies a support group is automatically formed of friends and relatives around those who are the most affected by the loss. There is a complete ecosystem to help grievers during the first phases, tons of articles and books about grief to help them survive the crisis.
But as time goes by things change, and what I see is that people with massive losses have feelings of guilt and shame when they cannot meet these expectations and to make things worse, they hide and bury their pain, and carry that burden for years if not for the rest of their lives rather than going to therapy as suggested.
I was one of them. Later I realized that I would just need more time, more information, more understanding, more compassion, and tools that I can use to heal the wounds and get inner peace. I have already learned how to go on with my life, work, and other responsibilities, but I was still vulnerable to triggers - dates, places, objects, music, films, etc. And I did everything to hide it because I thought I should have been over it just because the mourning year passed. No.
The 'mourning year' is just the first phase of recovery from the loss of a beloved one. Grievers have the right to their true feelings without being closed within time frames. As I said at the beginning, if you lost someone more than a year ago and it hurts - you are not alone. You are one of the many Silent Grievers out there, and I created this site to show you a way out of the cave.
Hi, my name is Krisztina, I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly in 2015, 10 months after my mother passed away. The mourning year was just the beginning of a long journey of healing and finding peace.
My aim is to create a safe place where you can share your story and find resources that may help you in healing your wounds. Register to get access to a forum where you can meet others who struggle with the same.
I'll post articles about grief and the techniques I use to feel better quickly as well as some excerpts of the book. If you want to get notifications about new content feel free to join my mailing list.